Your therapist is shit, your oral
Hygienist is a fraud, your tailor
Should be shot. Your poetry
Workshop leader couldn’t find
A poem if lodged up her ass.
Your saintly mother lied to you;
You are not special. Average. Perhaps.
Your hairstylist is a prankster.
Your acupuncturist, a witch doctor.
Your grandparents, all four
Of them were illegal immigrants.
Your lawyer advertises,
On matchbook covers, in strip clubs.
Your financial analyst attended
Trump University but barely passed.
Your girlfriend twerks on Facebook.
And she keeps sending me friend requests.